You know what I mean.
Especially you know what I mean if you are part of any “inner circle” of an organization, blogger’s row, or media credentialed folks.
I went into doing this because I love what I’m doing and I want to make a difference. I don’t try to pretend that I’m more experienced than I am and I just wanted to remained principled and hope that my talent would get me noticed, but once you reach a certain level of being “in the know” with all of this…you get disillusioned about whether or not that’s why anyone else is involved.
It’s a country club mentality, where everyone is smiling and laughing and loving each other, but in the background it’s all nasty words whispered behind people’s backs and a complete inability to know where you actually stand with people.
Do they like me? Do I annoy them? Do they think I’m a hack?
It’s impossible to tell where we stand when everyone is talking out of both sides of their mouth.
I’m too principled to smile at someone through my teeth and bash them as soon as they are out of sight. If I don’t like you, you’ll probably know about it. If I can tell you don’t like me, I’ll just avoid you. I don’t like the politics of social interaction and I’ve come to realize that the social politics of political commentary are sometimes just as bad as the politics I rail against on my websites.
I’ve often thought that one of the problem’s the GOP has is that they refuse to take chances. They like the old familiar faces and their routine song and dance, because it’s always given them results, even if the results are mediocre at best in many cases. Any attempt at changing the tempo or the dancers is regarded with fear and disdain, because the chance that it might gain them spectacular results has been covered up by the fear that it will destroy their chance at getting at least those mediocre results.
The fear of the crash and burn has made a good portion of them go stale. Succeed on your own and they might let you into their fold, but they aren’t interested in taking a risk on anyone with a new sound.
It’s possible that the voices calling for change can get stale too, preaching to the choir and going through the same 1-2-3 step waltz. We love the rabble rousers and the people who want to change the face of the GOP, but maybe we’re just as stuck in our own song and dance as everyone else.
Maybe our connection to the politics has tarnished our own social politics or maybe it’s just a fact of humor nature that we just can’t change.
Either way, I’m exhausted.
Current Mood: Little Talks by Of Monsters and Men
And some days I can’t even trust myself
It’s killing me to see you this way
‘Cause though the truth may vary
This ship will carry our bodies safe to shore
Don’t listen to a word I say
The screams all sound the same
Trust me, if this was targeted toward a specific person or organization, I’d let them know about it. This is just a general rant about a general feeling of frustration that’s been building in me for sometime.