The Answer to the 2.7 Million Dollar Question: I Drink Because Obama is in Office

If I looked like her I would drink a lot too…

In this post-Sequester world the Obama administration is doing its utmost to cut back on useless and wasteful spending. They are only spending money on the most necessary of projects, like 2.7 million dollars on the gravely serious issue of lesbians and their “hazardous drinking habits”.

Oh, you don’t think that is a necessary research project for the government to be funding? Well you, my dear reader, are clearly a horrid homophobe. Weren’t you aware that the government only exists to do irrelevant studies about the mental and physical well-being of the LGBTQUERTY community?

*eye roll*

Seriously though, this isn’t the first time (nor will it probably be the last) that the NIH announced a dumb as hell study with ties to the health and well-being of the gay and lesbian community. For a group that composes less than 10% of the population (if that) the government spends an awful lot of money coddling them.*

Like the $1.5 million that the NIH just spent on trying to figure out why so many lesbians are obese. Yes, of course that’s an issue of national importance, why wouldn’t it be?

Or in 2011 when the NIH had a study, funded with nearly a million dollars, on whether gay men’s penis size indicated whether they would be a “top” or “bottom” in gay sex.

Can someone please explain why the National Institutes of Health feels this is a reasonable allocation of resources? Especially during a time when our country is apparently so strapped for cash that it can’t even allow school children in to the White House for tours and they threatened to shut down the yearly Easter Egg hunt?

Could it be that the government is only shutting down programs that will cause national outrage, because they want to make sequestration look as bad as their Chicken Little impersonations said it would be earlier this year?

Yeah, I figured that was what this was about.

You know Obama, if you are actually all that worried about my “hazardous drinking habits” and the effect they will have on my health, you could do me a huge favor and resign. The amount I drink is directly proportionate to the amount of time you spend in office and the number of stupid things you do.

Can I have that $2.7 million now? I’m sure I will spend it better than you will.

You know what I want a study on? I’d like to know why so many lesbians get Justin Bieber haircuts, that seems worthwhile to me. Can I get a couple million dollars to study that Mr. President? Inquiring minds (meaning mine) want to know.


*I’m saying “them” because I refuse to be associated with these morons just because we all happen to be attracted to the same gender.