“Successful Women Don’t Fall in Love” by Amy Glass.
I knew the article was link bait when I clicked it, that didn’t stop me from clicking it though.
So then, why isn’t this piece titled “Successful PEOPLE Don’t Fall In Love?”
Because, when men fall in love, they get a wife. When women fall in love they get a husband. Despite idealism, the reality of these two paths is very disparate. For men, falling in love is an asset, for women it is a sentence to hard labor. I have no interest in marrying a woman, but I would love to have a wife. They cook and clean for you, remind you when it’s your mother’s birthday, and shoulder all the biggest burdens when it comes to raising kids. Hell, my ideal relationship would be if my husband and I could have a wife so we could both be supported without having to deal with all that minutiae ourselves.
Women respond to me when I talk like this saying, “oh, my boyfriend is progressive, he’s not like THAT.” I don’t mean stating my personal preference to be an insult, but it’s not the truth they relay during any other conversation about their relationship, even if they don’t use those words. We’re kind of brainwashed to take care of other people, and make them happy and for me, being single is kind of an armor guarding against whatever cultural or biological intuitions are telling me, as a woman, to be self-sacrificial.
Let’s say you want to have a husband and kids and a job that pays enough for you to be comfortable. That’s an achievable dream for most of my peers, the upkeep of a relationship with an easy to moderate job can work for a woman. You can balance. However, there’s people like me who don’t like middle ground, it’s not for everyone. I don’t want to be a latte, I want to be an espresso. I want all of something, or I don’t want it at all.
I want success. I want to be truly great at something. Being great at something requires sacrifice and focus. Like, when you close your eyes and your hearing improves. Obviously it’s possible, and for the vast majority of people, preferable to see and hear at the same time. But when it’s truly important, you’ll sacrifice one for the other. I caught a reality show the other day where a guy was asking his girlfriend to start a rule where three nights a week she would be done with work for the night by 5pm. THREE times a week. 5pm. That’s insane for people who are trying to build something big.
So now I’m pissed off about and I need to rant.
A latte is made with espresso you moron.
Okay, that was rude, but I had to start off the with most obviously dumb comment in your article and work my way down.
You say “I don’t want to be a latte, I want to be an espresso. I want all of something, or I don’t want it at all.” This is a dumb statement. Why? Because a latte is an espresso, with a little something extra. That’s what being in love, on top of having a career, is.
Espresso by itself, everyday, is bitter and will probably give you heart burn. That steamed milk in the latte is just there to cut the edge off the bitterness.
Unfortunately, you let the espresso everyday regimen make you permanently bitter and take you to a place that is both deluded and lonely.
Sadly Amy Glass is living in a delusional world where she sees all relationships as fitting some nostalgic 1950s archetype…that mostly didn’t exist even in the 1950s. Married women (or single women for that matter) were not all chained to a stove, forced to “hard labor” for their husband, wearing dresses and heels and pearls and getting dinner on the table by 6pm when their loving husband returned from work.
Women didn’t work as much as women today do, but they did work outside of the home.*
But somehow this is the image of marriage that Amy Glass had created for herself.
I would love to have a wife. They cook and clean for you, remind you when it’s your mother’s birthday, and shoulder all the biggest burdens when it comes to raising kids.
I can count on one hand the number of friends I had whose mother fit this stereotype over all the years I have lived. My own parents (married 40+ years) have never fit this stereotype in my memory. Not only do my parents share cooking and cleaning duty, but my father has always had an equal share of the burden in raising my sister, my brother, and I.
You know how successful my mom is? My mom has a doctorate and her own optometry practice.
You know when she got that doctorate?
After she got married, between her first and second child. She was pregnant with me when she was going to school for her degree and I was born before she graduated.
Who exactly does Amy Glass think was caring for me while my mom was at graduate school? Some nursemaid, like something out of the 18th century?
No, it was my dad.
Having a husband and children didn’t make her less successful, it made her more successful. She went to school to better herself, to become successful.
Would my mother have gone to optometry school without a family to spur her on? I have no idea. The point is that she did and she also got married.
I do know that having someone to share your burdens, to be the steamed milk in your espresso at the end of the day, is worth the occasional “sacrifices” that come with a relationship. Someone is there to carry the burdens with you and help you succeed and be the loudest cheerleader on your team, whether you are a man or a woman. Someone who takes care of you when your health is bad or you get laid off.
And fine, maybe you think that you would not be as successful if you were married, that’s alright. You clearly realize you lack the ability to multi-task and I won’t judge you for that.
But to claim that “successful women don’t fall in love” is to write off any woman who falls in love and gets married as being incapable of being successful, which is a blatant falsehood that just shows how little facts play into Glass’ view of reality.
Of the top 25 on the “100 most successful women” list on Forbes, 92% were either currently married or divorced or widowed. 76% were currently married. Only 8% were single and had never been married.
Successful women don’t get married?
Just like your article.
*Of course you have to consider that more women work today because our economy dictates a need for two income households. My mom WOULD have been a SAHM, by her own choice, if our family could have survived on my dad’s salary.